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WHAT ARE GOALS?

Before I answer this, let me just say, if any of you are using 2020 as a legit excuse for why you didn’t achieve some or all of your goals, I am right there with you so you’re in good company. This post is not about winning at goals. It’s not even about how to set goals. It’s about the unpleasantness of failure. So, if this resonates with you, come stay and read awhile.

As some of your or very few to none of you may know because it was such a long time ago, I committed to writing more blogs in 2020. I love writing and that’s my outlet so I made a BIG goal of it. I was super excited and then 2020 “came in like a wrecking ball”. Do I have to say more? Lets face it, who isn’t over 2020 and already looking forward to 2021? (#hello2021). I am determined to work towards my goal even if it is the end of the year, so tadaaa I introduce this post.

I love acronyms! I came up with one for GOALS to understand why I set goals and what I’m like when I’m actively pursuing them. So, what are GOALS? They are opportunities to “GET OUT AND LEARN SOMETHING”.

The more you know, the more you grow. The more you grow, the more you know. Sounds poetic right? It’s true though. Goals are meant to push you. They are meant to be stretchy and uncomfortable. We are meant to doubt ourselves along the way. What they aren’t meant to be…are unrealistic. For instance, do I have a goal of becoming an all powerful magical wizardess some day…maybe. Okay, yes, yes I do! Is it realistic? No. Well maybe not in this realm. Anyone know how I can contact Dr. Strange?

As 2020 is coming to a close, we have a chance to reset. This pandemic is no where near gone, but all the same, there’s a certain energy and hopefulness that comes with the start of a new year. It’s a chance to recalibrate and set new goals for 2021. I personally get excited and enthusiastic and SUPER motivated when I am setting a new goal, especially if it’s challenging.

Unfortunately for many of us, intention alone doesn’t get us to where we want to be. If it did, I would be a super star gajillionaire by now. Where I tend to fall short at times is in the execution phase of my goals and that can get discouraging. Sometimes it’s because I allowed myself to get distracted, or procrastinate to the point where I feel overwhelmed by the goal. Other times its because I set such a high bar and unrealistic goal knowing that the person I am currently being, isn’t up to that task. Don’t get me wrong please. This doesn’t mean I can’t be that person, but simply I’m just not there quite yet. Rather than creating a ladder of smaller “SMART” goals, I try to get from point A to B by leaping into the Grand Canyon of goals. Have you ever met anyone who jumped over one of those canyons and didn’t fall in or worse? Truthfully, I have never heard of anyone trying lol but if they did, it would be a lot like that. And yes, I admit… sometimes I come up short on my goals due to my own lack of self-discipline. YUP!! Lots of failures look like that.

That’s when my inner mean girl likes to strike. She is the Karen of all Karens in terms of inner voice monologues. She’s only ever really mean to me, but her voice starts making me doubt myself and I mean really doubt myself. I start having a lot of those “I’m not worthy” type of conversations with myself. She says all the things that hit me right at my core. The core is that small hidden space within us where our true emotions live. We usually try to protect this space from external threats (i.e. feeling vulnerable). So it should be no surprise that our ego (inner survivor- and YES, we all have one) knows all the weaknesses of this core; because, the core is also where our insecurities live. Our ego tells us to give up, stop trying, or not to dream big because we’ll get hurt somehow. I was sick of this repetitive internal voice having the upper hand in my life so I sought out the techniques, tools, and coaches both in my personal and professional life to reduce its influence.

Can any of you relate to this so far? Even on the tiniest level? If the answer is yes, well then CONGRATS! You ARE a human being.

Even the most confident people in the world have “cores” of insecurities. They too have their moments of self doubt. If they tell you they never do, just take it with a grain of salt. They are either lying to you or maybe just to themselves. Treat them with compassion. They will have their own awakening one day (hopefully). At any rate, those are not the people you want to listen to for advice or support when it comes to an honest self-assessment.

We all do battle with our inner voices, especially when we set goals that are uncomfortable or stretchy. Sometimes mine shouts: “You suck” . So, do we give in and believe those voices? I used to 🥺. NOW? No. You might be wondering, how, right? Well, at least I hope you are because I want you to keep reading.

Have you ever heard of reframing? It’s when we reframe our negative thoughts to positive ones. In simplest terms, I start by paying attention to what’s happening within me in the moment. I hear my thoughts and think ..cool cool so that b***h Karen has decided to make an appearance in my head and complain about what I didn’t do right. First, I acknowledge this internal dialogue is not very nice and that I’m going to go ahead and change it. I choose to reframe that mean self-talk into supportive self-talk. Instead of getting stuck saying to myself “I failed so I suck at this“, I choose to say “I’m learning and I’m going to get better“. In this example, I replace “failed” with “learning” and “suck” with “getting better”. Doing this exercise takes patience and practice so be gentle with yourself. You must commit yourself to reframing your thoughts. It does not happen automatically and it is definitely not an overnight process. We must get in the habit of continually substituting those negative thoughts with positive reframes. This is how we break our old thought patterns. This is where working with a self-development coach or life coach can really come in handy, but it is not a requirement to get started. Just decide to take small steps towards your own self-improvement and trust in that process. Do what you can on your own and then seek out the support of those who can guide you the rest of the way. Check out the bottom of this post for some useful links to help you get started.

Your best immunity and your best defense against your inner mean voice is reframing your self-talk. This is what increases your self-worth, self-respect, and confidence which will only help you on your journey to achieving your GOALS. So, dream big, aim high, and GET OUT AND LEARN SOMETHING about yourself.

Note from the writer:
GOALS acronym and the perspective I share in this post are my own and defined through my continuous pursuit over the years at self-improvement through education, coaching, and experience.

Resources
Reframing:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201712/reframing

Achieve Your Goals: Three Ways to Reframe Goal Setting:
https://www.cfma.org/resources/content.cfm?ItemNumber=7885

3 Powerful Mind Reframing Shifts that Can Drastically Improve Your Life:
https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/3-powerful-mind-reframing-shifts-that-can-drastically-improve-your-life.html

Positive Reframing and Examining the Evidence:
https://sdlab.fas.harvard.edu/cognitive-reappraisal/positive-reframing-and-examining-evidence

Speak on This Day and Every Day

There was a time in my life where I wasn’t able to use my voice to speak up for myself. I had no problem speaking on behalf of others but it was much more difficult to speak my own truth. I refused to be vulnerable because I was attached to this old story that to be vulnerable meant that others will hurt me badly. In an ongoing healing, learning, and growth process through self-improvement (more on that in another post), I found the power of my voice. I didn’t do it alone and I’m grateful for everyone who was involved in guiding and supporting me. My journey has only enhanced and empowered me as a voice actor, public speaker, teacher, and mentor to other young women.

Today, on this woman’s day I want to talk about the power of our collective voices. A couple of years ago, I posted a short piece on the importance of us women using our voices. I have included it here below but have since expanded on it because I still believe this today. This blog post is meant to be uplifting, empowering, and an opportunity for us to elevate the conversation around gender equality and protection for girls and women all over the world. Please feel free to comment, like, share, or shoot me an email with your thoughts or feedback.

Without further delay…..

On this International Women’s Day, I am grateful that I am free to speak for myself. However, we get to create a world where every woman feels that way too. I get to be part of creating a world where we don’t need to recognize women on one day. We women get to be acknowledged and recognized for our contributions every day.

Until the day comes where we don’t need a special occasion to remind us of that, our work continues. We will speak for ourselves and for young girls and women that cannot or have not found their own voices yet. We must continue to dig deep and support each other by using our voices and our collective strength to stand up against oppression and violence towards women and girls.

We currently live in a world where men have taken it upon themselves to speak for us and to decide for us. We currently live in a world where people decide what our worth is. We currently live in a world where women are victimized and criticized for daring to speak their truth. We currently live in a world where societies insist that women compare and compete against each other.

We live in a world where a woman’s worth and dignity still has a price tag on it. We still live in a world where it is acceptable to tear down women who are courageous enough to lead, be seen, and be heard. We still live in a world where the majority may want to see us but not hear from us. In many places, they want to neither see us nor hear us. We live in this world, but it does not mean we still accept the status quo. Every day there are women changing the narrative by empowering others to speak up, to act, and to create impact. The more we do this, the louder all our voices become.

There is only one person who gets to decide how worthy you are and that’s YOU! Let’s keep our voices clear and our messages full of love and empowerment. We are the voice for the voiceless. We are light in the dark. We are the legs that keep walking, and the eyes that witness everything.

I compare us women to water and I invite you to consider the reasons why they are.

Women are as important as water flow. Water is the most powerful element on our planet and yet having drinkable, flowing water is a privilege, not an entitlement. Many people suffer without proper water flow. Water shapes continents. It cuts through land masses to create new paths, makes room for life to grow and thrive, and supports whole ecosystems. In order to keep our water flow abundant, we must respect and protect our planet. The same goes for women. We are not tools, property, or anyone’s entitlement. We are a powerful force. There is nothing more powerful than the flow of water or a woman’s voice. We shape families and societies. We make room for life to thrive and grow by safeguarding, nurturing, and teaching the next generation.

Even the hardest surfaces will eventually be smoothed out by the consistent flow of water moving forward. Water does not and cannot flow backwards from where it came, and neither should we. Water can slow down or speed up, and it can stop and change directions. If there are barriers, water finds a way around or through them. We are JUST LIKE THAT. With every setback, we simply reset and move forward. Sometimes that flow is urgent and unyielding, and other times it is a quiet murmur. Water can always find its way into the tiniest of cracks where everything else is shut out. So too can our voices. We get to treat our voices with the same importance and urgency that water has for our survival.

So, to all the women and young girls out there, claim your voices and your spaces.

If there is one thing you can do today, ask yourself:

Where can I use my voice today? Who can I use my voice to support or uplift?

Empower yourself to use your voice. Even if your voice starts off quiet and hesitant, or even if it can only say one kind thing about yourself all day long; that my friends is an improvement. That is a step forward. It is a powerful thing to decide to use your voice to uplift yourself and even more powerful to do so in the service of others. This is how we empower ourselves and each other. This is how we create an uplifting movement. This is how WE DEFINE our value and worth.

What is creativity? To be honest that is something I struggled with for a very long time when I was young. I always told myself the story that I wasn’t creative, special, or artistic. I had very black-and-white notions of what creativity and art meant. If I couldn’t draw, paint, compose music, or sing then I was not creative or artistic.

We don’t need to be some type of actual “artist” to be creative. I think there is an artist in each of us. What is an artist anyway? It is someone who creates something or reinvents something. An artist could create a sculpture, painting, musical piece, remix an existing song, invent new tech, or new recipes. An artist is also someone who modifies, changes, improves, or reinvents something that already exists. You can show your creativity in your art through your make up, your clothes, the way you speak, or your writing. My point here is that creativity isn’t reserved for those left brain dominant individuals who seem super messy on the outside with chaotic lives and disorganized or whatever stereotypical trait you want to insert to depict what a creative person is like. For all those people who are right brain dominant and value organization, structure, or methodological approaches, there is even creativity in that. There is creativity in the way you plan, the way you organize, and the way you analyze. The possibilities are endless. Regardless of how you present your art (or math, science, etc..) the actions that you take daily to grow, learn, evolve, stretch yourself, reinvent, or adapt are all parts of your creativity shining through.

Creativity is nothing more than the solution to a problem or an answer to a question. This is how simple creativity can be. This is how I define creativity. When you look at it this way, we are all creative.

I hear many people say they are not creative, but I don’t believe that, well not anymore. I now realize that these types of limiting beliefs are self-imposed from years of external conditioning based on past life experiences. Friends!!! We are the ones that define what is and isn’t possible for ourselves.

When I released the limits on my creativity, I felt like I saw myself for the first time. For me personally that manifested in my voice. Now, I use my voice to express myself in ways that I never thought was possible. I found my own unique style of storytelling. I found my way of connecting with others. If that’s possible for me, it is possible for you too. I believe in you and your creativity. Because there is art in all of us.

Here are a couple of cool quotes to get you thinking:

“Creativity doesn’t wait for that perfect moment. It fashions its own perfect moments out of ordinary ones.”

“Creativity involves breaking out of expected patterns in order to look at things in a different way.”

Let that sink in a moment 🤯.

So, how do you tap into your creativity? Start by defining it. I find what works for me is coming up with acronyms for words that inspire me. These words serve as anchors for me to visualize and hold onto my goals. Some of my anchor words are create, commitment, focus, connection etc. It gives me something almost tangible to hold onto while I am navigating unfamiliar terrain. Choose any word that you like or that you feel connected to or guided by and acronym the heck out of it 😉 lol. I hope you can find your inspiration using this technique too.

It’s just a fun way to think about your goals and your vision and what it really means to you.

C.R.E.A.T.I.V.I.T.Y to me means:

🌟Changing

🌟Re-inventing

🌟Educating

🌟Adapting

🌟To

🌟Include

🌟Value

🌟Important

🌟To

🌟Your growth & tribe

Wishing you lots of creativity and joy today.

What does creativity mean to you?

#joyadvocate #creativityeveryday #inspiredaily #creativeentrepreneur #acroynymoftheday #dreamersanddoers #voiceactor #voiceoverartist #supportingoneanother

Hi Everybody, I’m Dalia Ramahi and I feel called to sparkle my light and share the warmth and joy I feel deep in my heart. That joy I feel? It’s a state of being and a choice I consciously make every day. It took me a long time to realize that I AM a queen and I’m worthy of calling myself one. I think self-worth is such a tricky little thing because many of us misunderstand what it really means to feel worthy of BEing and experiencing the best version of ourselves. If we know deep down there is this amazing version of ourselves but we don’t see him/her, it’s simply because we’re not there yet. There is a gap in what we want and the way we’re living life now, in how we execute our self-care routines, the company we keep, the THOUGHTS we let occupy our minds, and/or the relationships we allow into our sacred spaces.

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I have been doing a lot of transformation work over the last couple of years and I am so proud that I have found my voice, created a vision, defined my purpose, and now am pursuing what I believe is my calling to bring #JOY to millions 😘❤️

All of that makes me a queen and so much more. Call yourself a King, Princess, Knight or whatever makes you feel good. The point is, when we lift ourselves up, we create movement that allows others to be lifted up with us. That is why we are ALL royalty.

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I feel called to share the power that I tapped into and am harnessing on a daily basis. I didn’t find this power alone in a dark room but through a tribe of loving & high vibing people, through leadership, and by investing in myself. Baby steps eventually turn into giant leaps. Small acts of courage despite fear launch you into a world where you feel brave to take risks, because you understand that trusting by being and doing is a much better way to live than shrinking back and keeping your fingers crossed. Being pro-active and taking small actions today will eventually bridge the gap from where we are now and where we want to be. One day you’ll wake up and say, Wow! This is my life and I love every moment that led up to it. It can be more than a dream so start believing that life is here now.

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If you told me a year ago that I would openly call myself a queen without feeling silly I would’ve said you were crazy but today I confidently claim who I Be because I have chosen to take responsibility for my thoughts and live life on my terms. I live authentically, generously giving, allowing myself to receive, and being of service through my work and personal life. I love words like queen, empowerment, leadership, and tribe. I invite you to take a baby step by investing in yourself in some small way that will support your growth. We owe it to ourselves to be green and growing every day we are blessed to live. The alternative is to be ripe and rotting. I know none of us truly want to be so ripe that we fall off the tree for good.